LOVE

I have to say I'm one of the lucky ones.

I have an amazing marriage.

If you have read any of my blogs in the past then I tell bits and pieces of our marriage.

We have had so many difficulties in our short marriage.

We recently went through our third miscarriage. 

This is just one of our current struggles. 

I keep praying and asking God why.

Why do things keep happening to us?

Can we please just get a break?

You see, I want a break from the difficulties and heart ache

but God is growing us through these.

God's plan is always better,

even when we don't see it.

There are a few things that we have gone through that hurt so deeply.

 Most people would want that hurt to disappear. 

Most people would want it to never have happened. 

Most people would've ran.

Not me. 

It hurts to look back.

It's painful.

But..... I wouldn't change it.

God has used our pain to help us to bloom into who he has planned.

Our marriage wouldn't be where it is without that pain.

I now have a husband that is attentive to my needs.

He can tell how I am feeling just by looking at me.

We talk about everything.

He is ALWAYS willing to listen and understand.

But it's deeper than that.

It's like he feels my pain by just looking into my eyes.

We have a connection that God has given to us that wouldn't have been there if we didn't go through this pain together. 

Sometimes I can be difficult. 

I'm emotional.

He just flows smoothly through it with me. 

He encourages me, he guides me and when I'm upset he wraps me up in his arms and holds me.

I don't even think he knew how great of a husband he could be. 

I don't think he knows how great of a husband he is. 

As I was sitting in church last week I was struggling.

I've been struggling a lot lately.

I keep going back and forth on asking God why and knowing that what he has planned will be so much greater. 

I have asked why before and God was right.

This is much more than I could ever have thought.

He has blessed us in ways that I couldn't imagine. 

So as we are in this difficult time,

I'm held together by LOVE.

LOVE of God.

LOVE of my Husband.

LOVE of my Children.

LOVE of my Family.

LOVE of my Friends 

and 

LOVE of my Church Family. 

And we will always have that LOVE.

God has an amazing plan for our life.

God has an amazing plan for YOUR life.

Rest in him.

Give him your pain

and watch his plan unfold.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

Fighting with your Spouse? Fight Fair, Fight Right!

So I thought of this while

 I was on my hands and knees doing a deep

 scrubbing of my kitchen floor.

When we give our minds a little quiet time we have time to ponder things.

It's kinda unusual for us to have quiet time in this very busy world. 

I take it when I can :)

So, I spent my time thinking about fighting. 

Yes, I actually spent my time thinking about this. But there is a reason.

Yesterday, my husband and I got into a fight. 

You know, not the disagreement type, but the fight type. 
So it was still pretty raw.

There are different types of fighting. 

The disagreement ones,they aren't as bad. You disagree, maybe a slight argument then you come back together with no issues.

But...... the fights are the hard ones. They linger.

At least for us they do so I suspect they do for you as well.

The fight is so bad that it takes a couple days to recover. 

Like a hangover. 

A fight hangover.... ugh ..... the worst.

Then a friend of mine posted a really awesome Facebook post. 

She said that a marriage is not perfect. Love isn't perfect. 

It's so true, it's messy. It's ugly, and sometimes it's hurtful. 

We don't mean to hurt the one we love the most but sometimes it happens. 

We say terrible things that we don't really mean in the heat of an argument.

We treat the love of our lives with disrespect and unkindness.

We should treat our spouses with the same respect as everyone else. You know like the kind where your in the heat of an argument and you can answer the phone and be perfectly fine around others. 

We know how to control our temper when we want to. We just don't want to. 
For most of us we would never treat our friends the same 
way that we treat our spouses. 
So why do we treat the one that's closest to us this way?

We need to enjoy the fact that we get to come home to someone that loves and cares about us. 

Someone that is our friend and partner in life. 

The peace it brings me to know I always have someone on my side. 

Someone always there to hold me when I'm upset. 

Someone to laugh with at the silly things.

Someone to watch our children grow. 

I never have to sit alone, or go to a party alone.

Before marriage you think everything is going to be perfect. 
We aren't going to fight, we're different..........
That's not real life.
Sure, there are people that don't fight as often, then there are the couples that fight a lot. 
When you put two different people in a house together there are bound to be issues. 
Differences. 
We come from different upbringings and we have different likes and dislikes.
You can't go through life thinking that a marriage shouldn't have fighting because that's false thinking.  Thinking like that can make you turn away from your spouse and grow resentment. 
Maybe even say that, maybe you weren't meant to be together. 
Fighting is part of life. You just have to learn the correct way to fight. 
You have to think the best of the one you love.
Stop the thinking that they just want to hurt you,
Because in reality they don't. They love you, just like you love them.

Marriage is work. It's difficult.
But it's also beautiful!
Like I said before, you have security. 
You have love. 
You have someone to snuggle and watch movies with.
Someone to watch football with.
Someone to go on bike rides with.
Someone to go camping with.
Someone to help you.
(for us someone to Pokemon with)
But, most of all someone to Love you!

We are all looking for love. You can tell by all the dating sites out there. All the posts people put on Facebook. The full bars with people looking for love. Yes, some of these ways aren't the right way to look for love or it's looking for the wrong kind of love. 
But, that is everyone's main desire.
Love.
Most people are looking for someone. 
We all want to be 
loved and cared for.  

I have heard a million times to treat your spouse as if you are doing it for the Lord.
For so long I just couldn't grasp that.
I'm still not good at it at all but at least I get the concept.
During a fight you should think about Jesus being right there beside you. Would you be treating your spouse the same? You need to be a servant to the Lord, and bite your tongue, even when you want the last word. 
Give the argument over to God. Some things are not worth fighting for. 
Do it as serving God.
If you feel like your spouse doesn't deserve it then,
look to Jesus instead of your spouse. 
Doing this is an amazing way to honor God.

Learn to take the first step and say your sorry.
Learn how to change the situation by taking the first step to forgiveness.
Learn how to stop the fight before it starts.
Remember that you are a team,
and you have the same goal.

These things are hard for us to remember. My husband and I struggle with this during our arguments.
Sometimes we create the fight. 
We are working on how we argue so we don't turn a disagreement into a full blown fight 
but we struggle with it. 
Some times we do things the wrong way. 
Some times we still fight. 
I believe it takes practice. You have to constantly have it on your mind to be conscious of your response.
Your response is your responsibility!

Also, remember to resolve your conflict.
If you just ignore it then it WILL come back.
Learn how to talk about the issue at hand. 
Talking about our issues and disagreements give us opportunities to grow in our marriage.
So don't give up the opportunity to bring the two of you together. 
Build your team.

Forgiveness, 
is a main ingredient to having a good marriage.
After the fighting you have to forgive your spouse. 
You have to come back together and love one another. 
Don't hold onto resentment.
Let it go. 
 (we can sing the Frozen song now )
Seriously though, Let it go. 
Let Love Shine.

Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another and forgive one another as God has forgiven you through Christ. Ephesians 4:32

Above everything, love one another earnestly, because love covers over many sins. 
Peter 4:8

What is Beautiful?

What is Beautiful?

Where do we look to find beauty?

Magazines? Movies? Friends? God?

What defines your beauty?

Feeling beautiful is such a hard subject for me. 

I have never felt beautiful.

Since I was a kid I was made fun of by multiple classmates. I started wearing make up and really caring about my looks when I hit 7th grade. I got tired of people making fun of me and I wanted to be someone different than who I had been. For me the people around me defined my beauty and still does. I still measure myself against everyone I meet, even women I just pass by in the grocery store. I have been overweight for most of my life, except a few short times. My weight has fluctuated over the years so that has added a lot to how I feel. I always hated my freckles and use make up to cover them as much as possible. I still won't even go out of my house without make up on and I put it on right after I get out of the shower, I workout in make up, I do yard work in make up, most of the time I go to bed with make up because I don't want to look bad, I always have make up on. I don't really like looking in mirrors or taking pictures. I'm constantly self conscious of what others think of me. When I'm out I think people are looking at me and judging me. I don't really like to eat in public because I feel like people will judge me because I am too fat to be eating. Even when people have said I am beautiful I use the excuse that they didn't really mean it. I mean, how bad is that, that I can't even believe other people when they say something nice. 

I can be in a room with other women and I will get so down on myself. I will feel worse and worse the longer I'm there. I compare everything about myself to those around me. I think things like; everyone else is prettier than me, I'm so fat that I shouldn't even be in public, why would anyone even want to look at me, I wish I could lose weight so I can look like them, I wish I had nice legs, I wish I could wear nice clothes and have them look good on me, I just want to be skinny and pretty. 

I'm my own worst critic!

Why do I let the world tell me how I should look?

Why do I feel like I need to look like everyone else to be beautiful?

We live in a society that puts a high degree of importance on physical appearance. It demands us to glamorize ourselves before we are deemed attractive. Our society neglects the other aspects of beauty besides the physical nature of a woman. If you don't look like a model then you are unattractive. We spend so much money on beauty products and surgeries every year and we are still not satisfied with how we look. Young women in their twenties are having surgeries and Botox and just continue to change their looks every chance they get.

What truly makes a woman beautiful?

True beauty comes from within. 
We have all heard this and know it but do we really believe it?

“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” 
― Kahlil Gibran

 I found a list of what men think are qualities of a beautiful woman; passion, compassion, confidence, takes care of herself, accepting of her body, her smile, intelligence, optimism, what makes her unique and many more. 
This is a list from men? 
How cool is that? They really think beauty is being secure in ourselves and be whatever it is that makes us, us. So it's true that beauty comes from within. It's what makes you, you  that makes you beautiful.  

What do we look like through God's eyes? 

When God looks at us he sees someone so very beautiful. We are his daughters and he created us to all be beautifully different. He sees each of us as flawless, beauty radiating creatures. He doesn't want us to change anything about ourselves. He created you to be unique and he loves every part of you. If we were all the same we would be quite boring. 

We've all been there at least at one point in our lives and for some of us it's an everyday battle. We don't ever feel like we are good enough, like we will never measure up. We place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and we are pressing thoughts of discouragement even further into our hearts. Why do we feel unwanted, undesirable, and unaccepted?

We should try to see ourselves the way God sees us. We need to stop thinking about everyone else and start being ourselves. Find what you like, what your passionate about, what your good at and excel at these things. Be kind and loving. Find the quirks that make you special and enjoy those things. Enjoy your freckles, your crooked nose, your curly hair. Just be you and emit the best you. Be the woman that God made you to be and there you will find the beauty inside which will radiate out of you.

1 Peter 3:3-4   Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Serving Your Husband.... Ugh....

Ugh.... why can't he serve me?

I do everything.

I'm just so tired. 

I'm serving the kids and everyone else all day, I just want a break.

These are the kinds of things we say and the excuses we use everyday (myself included). 

We really don't want to serve our husbands because we are selfish and really want to be served ourselves. We are tired. We have been serving and pleasing all day and we would like a break too.

Yes, your husband should be willing to serve you and do things to please you as well but that is what he needs to work on himself. 

Today is the day to start working on you!

Let God worry about your husband.

What does serving your husband look like?

Well, it's such a wide range of things that it could be. You have to find what works for you and what makes your husband happy. You don't have to be perfect and you don't have to be like everyone else. It's about doing things for him with a loving heart and using the gifts that God gave you.

Please, Please don't compare yourself with other women, you will never measure up if this is what you are doing. I am still learning this myself. Nobody is the same and no relationship is the same. Learn what works for the both of you. Serve in a way that is natural for you. Maybe your husband likes to be served by you paying attention to him, maybe it's doing things he takes an interest in. Maybe it's actually serving him with food or drinks. Maybe it's all of these things. Do something for him that you know he likes without him expecting it.  Figure out what he cares about and do it with and for him.  Serving your husband also doesn't mean beckoning to his every call. It means having an awareness of how you can help. Try to make his life easier. 

What this looks like for my marriage...

Well there are so many areas in our marriage. We are an all of the above marriage. There are some things I feel good about doing for him and some of the things are things he cares about. Most of the things he likes to do I like to do to so its kind of a win win situation. I make sure that everything I need to do is done by the time he gets home from work so we can focus on our time together. He loves it when I play video games with him and watch sports. I make sure his laundry is put away first so he doesn't have to worry about where his clothes are. I get up with him at 4:30 AM to make his lunch, his coffee and see him off. This way he has a worry free morning and day. I like to get him his drinks when he needs them and really I try to do anything he might need. It makes him happy and I want to make him happy. He works really hard and for long hours so I do the yard work and clean the garage too. I just make sure when he gets home he doesn't have to do anything but enjoy the children and get a bit of rest. I'm also at home all the time so this might look a bit different for all you working wives. Service to my husband brings me joy and that's the best part.

I don't always do this so well.

I'm not perfect so I can't do this like I wish I could. We are only human. Marriage is hard. We can't always remember to do things for someone that we live in close quarters with. Sometimes I do get irritated that I do so much. Then there are other times when he remembers to tell me how much he appreciates me and that makes me feel good. Of course I wish he would say this more often but I don't fault him for it because we don't always remember to say the things we think. I do the same thing to him. I think of great things about him but I don't always say it to him. I am trying to train myself to remember to tell him when I think those things because when we hear the good things people think about us it makes us feel wanted and cared about (yes, husbands do need to feel cared and loved for even with their manly surface). But this isn't why we should serve our husbands.

Why serve your husband?

Serving your husband will show him that he is a priority to you. Do you remember when you first met and you wanted to do everything for your him? Remember when it pleased you because everything was new and you didn't expect to get anything in return? We need to get back to doing this. It's important for our marriages.

As you serve your husband your love for him will grow and his will grow for you. The outcome? A better, healthier marriage. 

What the world says?

We live in a society where this is not a normal thing and actually it's looked down upon. What I hear most of the world saying is take care of yourself first. Worry about you. We live in a very selfish world and it's hard to train yourself to do things differently. Most everything we see and watch is about worry about you. Putting yourself first. The "what's in it for me," attitude. We should put others first. First and foremost our husbands but that's not what the world is teaching us. As humans we feel good helping and serving others. At least that has been my experience.

The saying, "Happy Wife, Happy Life," 

it's a true statement but it's also true in reverse.
Happy wife husband, Happy Life!

Not everyone is going to agree with me and that's ok. Not everyone believes the same things, but your marriage will be blessed if you take a few steps to serve your hubby. You don't have to get up early like I do and you don't have to do what other wives do either. Just do what you can do and do it with a loving, serving heart.

  Ephesians 6:7
Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people,

Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Loving others when you really don't want to.

You know that one person (or many people) in your life or that you have crossed paths with that just get to you? 
The ones that you just want to get away from as soon as possible? The ones that make you feel terrible just by being in the same room? 

Those are the people that need the most love. 

It's hard to love others sometimes.

At other times people make it really easy. But most of the time people are difficult.

Most people have heard the saying up above. It's true, not just for women but for all of us. 

Have you ever wondered what that crabby person working at McDonalds has gone through that day or that month? Or the rude homeless man? Or maybe even your boss? Maybe someone you see at the coffee shop everyday? 

People are difficult and hard to love. It's hard to smile and be nice to that neighbor that is just rude and disrespectful. That person that gives you that horrible look each day when you see them while getting lunch. Those people that look down on you as if they are better. It's hard to Love when people make you feel awful.

Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love.

There are so many books, websites and posts about loving others and how you can reach beyond yourself. You can google and get everyone's opinions of how to do this. Walk into a book store and see shelves of books on loving others. Yet we still don't know how to do it.

What about family? Friends? Coworkers? Do we really take the time anymore to find out what the difficulties are in the lives of the people close to us? I have had multiple young men take their lives around me lately and I just wonder how many of us look back and wonder if we could've taken more time to find out about them and what they were going through. We as a human race know how to hide how we feel really well. We all have things hidden that we don't want to talk to others about. Things we are ashamed of. Things we are hurt by. But would that change if someone really asked us? I don't mean the usual, "how are you?" that we always say and expect someone to just say, "oh, good" and walk on by. I'm talking about actually taking the time to care about others around us. Taking the time to stop and really ask. Or talk to that person in the coffee shop. Or that difficult neighbor. 

All it takes is Love!

Slow down and think about others around you instead of what you need to do next and where you need to be. We live in such a selfish world and we are always thinking about what we need to buy and what we want to plan for our future that we are running around from place to place never stopping to think of others. I'm not saying that I'm good at this because I'm not. I have the hardest time when I'm around others not worrying about my own insecurities. Or too busy just watching and dealing with my kids to pay attention to others around me. Sometimes I even have so many worries of my own that I forget to even ask or listen to my own husband. 

Enemies! 

Loving your enemies is the hardest of all. Loving the ones that have hurt you. How about Loving the ones that have hurt a family member or friend? I didn't fully understand this for the longest time. I didn't really have any enemies my struggles were always just difficult people but now I have someone that has hurt me deeply. This person also hurt my family deeply and did it for their own satisfaction with no thought or care to the people they hurt. So this is such a struggle for me. I have to remind myself of this all the time and I don't know how I will really respond when this person and I come in contact (which will happen eventually because we live in a small town). 

God calls us to Love our enemies because he knows it will be better for US in the long run. It will help us to forgive them and become more like Jesus.  

Luke 6:35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked

Loving others will help us find peace and joy in the midst of struggles and sin.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

So the next time you see that person, or even if you think about them. Remember to show Love at all times. Take time out of your busy schedule to really listen to someone else.

Then you will realize that your not the only one struggling!