Modesty!

Can the way you dress temp a man to lust?

I was in a bible study a few years ago and

 one wife was talking about something her husband told her. 

Her husband was a Deacon in the church 

and it made it difficult when women wore low cut shirts when he was ushering.

I took that story to heart and I felt so bad for this man.

A man that was a God fearing man

and was trying to guard his heart and eyes.

But, there we are as women making things more difficult for him.

Even in church.

The definition of Modesty is:

behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency.

Indecency......

That's hardly even in our vocabulary anymore.

We live in a world that doesn't care about modesty.

It's all about how much attention a woman can get

and how much skin she can show. 

Everything is about looks.

Everything is about Pride.

Me, Me, Me....

Now, I know that not everyone is going to agree with me.

Women are not to blame for men's lustful thoughts.

But, couldn't we help them out a bit.

Maybe, we could NOT make it harder?

A heart for Modesty is motivated

by a love for one's fellow man.

I love the men around me.

I don't want to help them fall.

I want to help them learn to protect their eyes.

It's already a hard world for them to be in,

we shouldn't be making it harder.

Modest dress is also about discernment,

having an awareness of others and our environment.

We can dress modest and still be fashionable.

We don't have to show skin to be in style.

We should be caring about keeping our bodies private.

Our bodies are for our husbands or future husbands.

Not to share with the world.

Also.....

What does this show our daughters?

The world is already so difficult,

without us letting our 12 year old daughters

 dress like most adults shouldn't.

Where does dressing like this lead our daughters?

What does this tell them what we think about them?

What are they telling the boys and men around them?

What kind of attention are they looking for?

I'm lucky (for now), my 13 year old daughter is very modest.
More modest then I was at her age.
She won't let her bra straps show, 
She always wears shorts or leggings under her dresses, 
and most of the time 
wears a tank top over her tank top bathing suit.
I sure hope she stays this way and protects her body
but one day I might have to fight her on this.
And.... fight I will. 
Protecting her is my job. 
Even if she doesn't agree with me or understand.

As women, we are called to show modesty to the young girls around us.

We all have someone looking up to us.

It's time to start showing them how to love themselves

without the need to show their bodies.

Be the example!

I'm not saying that I'm perfect in this.

I'm not.

It's a hard thing to buy clothes that are modest.

You really have to shop around to find tank tops that aren't low cut.

Or shorts that your cheeks aren't hanging out of. 

But, as we go shopping next, 

or pick something to wear out of our closet. 

Maybe we can remember to buy something

or pick something that is a little more modest.

Maybe...... we can remember that what we wear represents 

how we represent God.

How would he want you to represent him?

What would he say about what you choose to wear?

1 Timothy 1:9-10

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, 

with modesty and self-control,

 not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,

but with what is proper for women who profess godliness with good works.

Doubts..... the Killer of the Mind.

Do you talk to yourself?

Do your thoughts ever control everything you do?

Does your mind feel out of control?

I know for most of us we have some times

 that we feel like we can't get control of our minds. 

Everyone can feel a little out of control of our thoughts every once in a while, 

But are you the type that it can control you?

Say you start with a thought, I'm failing, I just can't do anything right, why can't I be like them.....

But that thought leads to belief 

and that belief leads to how you live your life.

For some of us it's a daily battle......

For me it's a daily battle. 

When I'm close to God 

(spending time reading my bible and in prayer)

I feel like I can get a better grip on it but.....

then there are those days that I feel out of control. 

Like this last weekend,

It was such a fun weekend with family up for the Fourth of July.

It was going to be great

 but I was too busy to read my bible (at least I didn't take the time).

As the weekend went along my thoughts just took over more and more everyday.

I have huge trust issues. 

Sometimes those thoughts can ruin my day. 

I have to fight that battle daily.

I have to stay close to God to fight that battle or I fail,

and I fail all the time.

My thoughts can go from I'm failing to 

why would anyone want to be around me in such a short time.

Then pretty soon it's changing how I live my life.

It's changing how I respond to my husband and my children.

It's changing how I interact with family and friends

and it changes the decisions I would make.

As fathers and mothers we often feel like we just can't measure up.

Especially in this day and age.

It's hard with social media.

Your constantly seeing everyone else's perfect lives.

Perfect mothers doing things that you wish you had/took the time to do.

Perfect fathers working long hours and still making time for their families,

when you come home and are exhausted.

How do they all do it?

We are constantly comparing ourselves with others.

The problem with that is not everyone is perfect.

Someone might do something better than you,

but you do some things better than them.

Your comparing their good parts to your not so good parts.

It's time to stop comparing!

It's time to stop letting doubts fill our minds

and fill our lives.

When we allow those thoughts in,

 they find fertile soil to plant seeds of doubt.

Pretty soon our thoughts are our feelings

and you feel defeated. 

Jesus calls the enemy the "father of lies",

and sometimes those thoughts are easier to hear than God's words.

I have been doing a Beth Moore bible study and something she said just hit me.

She said "We can't let Satan shut us in or he wins the battle. 

He's trying to make wound lickers out of warriors. 

When God opens the door again let's stand back up, 

brush ourselves off and step through it."

I have verses and quotes hanging up around my mirror in the bathroom

so when I get am doing my hair I can read them and be encouraged.

This is my newest and most valued one

at this time in my life.

I read this every morning to remember that

 I'm God's Warrior,

I'm not a wound licker. 

Like I said I struggle with this daily.

That kinda even seems like an understatement.

I STRUGGLE with it daily.

I doubt myself, I look down on myself, I doubt my husband

and I let it take over our lives.

I personally have to give my doubt over to God on the daily basis,

the hourly basis, and sometimes the minute basis.

God never fails to help.

The Lord will always ease my mind if I truly give it over to him.

He's always there.

He's always waiting for us to reach to him.

He's always waiting to take away our doubt.

WE just have to be willing to let him.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Romans 12:2

What Are You Not Telling Your Spouse?

Don't tell my husband!

Don't tell my wife!

What they don't know, won't hurt them!

So..........

this is my personal opinion and 

I know a lot of people that don't feel the same way as I do.

Couples use these phrases all the time.

Anytime I hear someone saying them it really bothers me.

It can be something simple like:

A wife buys some new clothes or a coffee in the morning and says, "Don't tell my husband".

A husband purchases a new tool or gets a muffin on the way to work 

and says, "Don't tell my wife."

I have heard this phrase so many times over some really silly things 

and sometimes it's more serious.

I have heard it from family members, friends, and

posts on Facebook.

I have even heard it from pastors.

They are teaching and jokingly say something about their wives

 then say, "Don't tell my wife."

I have heard it from people teaching in bible studies.

I have even heard of a pastor that got a little road rage with his kids in the car so he took them for ice cream to bribe them not to tell their mom.

Yes, most of it is on trivial things.

But, does that really matter?

Should we be keeping things from our spouses?
What are we teaching our children?
It's not really a lie, is it?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about big lies. 
(that's for a whole other blog)
I'm talking about those little things.
The one where the one spouse is hiding a sugar addiction, smoking, purchases that you try to hide (yes, just like all those Facebook posts about hoping the UPS man comes when your husband is away), saying things that they don't want their husband or wife to know about. 
The small lies that we tell ourselves aren't really lies. 

I worked for a while in a small market in my town and while I was there I saw this a lot.
I had this one particular husband that would come in all the time when his wife was out of town.
He would come in, buy cigarettes and two gallons of ice cream.
He would say jokingly that his wife didn't allow those so he took advantage of the luxuries when she was away.

It is lying.

When we keep trivial things from our spouses so easily,

 it can lead to keeping more serious circumstances easily too.

It's true that those trivial things won't always turn into something worse.

But it could.

Are you willing to risk it?

On top of that, you are being disrespectful to your spouse.

How would you feel if you husband or wife could hear you. 

Or walked in the room right when you said that.

They would feel terrible, right?

I would hate that my husband felt he needed to hide things from me.

I would feel terrible that he was saying things about me that he felt I shouldn't know.

It would put a hint of doubt in part of our relationship.

If you can't say it, or do it in front of your spouse then it shouldn't be done.
Period.

Are secrets okay to keep?

By keeping secrets are you seeking the highest and best of God's gift of marriage?

God gave us a partner. A friend. A lover. 
Don't push them away by the small things. 
Strive to tell each other everything.
Strive to be honest at all chances.

Proverbs 12:19

Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.

Speak Love!

Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones,

But words will never hurt me!

This childhood chant is all wrong. 

We grow up believing that this will protect us from the words of our peers. 
Hurtful words actually have the opposite effect.
They can cause pain for a lifetime.

In elementary school I was not part of the cool crowd.
I was a chubby girl with freckles.
My mom didn't have very much money raising 3 kids on her own.
Most of our clothes were hand me downs.
So, let's just say I was easy pickings.

I remember a boy in elementary school that was very cruel to me.
His name still brings on a tinge of anger.
We were in the same classes all the way through 8th grade.
UGH...

I had an older boyfriend in high school that was a very cruel, abusive person.
The things he told me still ring in my head 
when I'm feeling down about myself.

There are those comments and the people from your past
 that will sometimes pop back into your head throughout your life.
Sometimes you can blow them off as a childhood memory and
sometimes they will still devastate you
 and you will relive those comments.

Then there are the people close to you now. 
Your friends and family.
Those seem to be the comments that hurt the most
and have the most lasting effect. 

My husband and I have said so many things that we regret during arguments.
I can't get most of those things out of my head.
When I'm upset or down on myself, 
those comments are the things that pop back into my head.
They are the most hurtful.
Some of those comments will never be erased from my memory.
Some of those comments will hurt every time they are remembered.
The same goes for my husband.
He has told me some comments that I have said when I was upset that still hurt him.
I have to live with that. 
I have to live with the fact that I was careless with my words and
I hurt the person I love most.

This happens so often with our kids too.
Sometimes we say things we don't mean to our kids.
Or we get upset at our kids before thinking about how we are reacting.
They remember all of those things.
We work so hard to protect our children from pain.
If someone was making fun of your child or causing pain to your child, 
how would you react?
Do we want to be the people to cause them to hurt?
Do we want our children to remember us as angry or having harsh words?

Words can be devastating. 
Words are powerful beyond our imagination.
Words can be life changing.
They can be life changing in a bad or a good way.
We can use our words to bring life to one another.
To lift each other up.
Every time we open our mouths we can choose to give life or to take it.

That's why it's so important for us to raise our children to love one another.
To care for how others feel. 
There are always going to be cruel people in the world.
But, we can change the world by raising our children to be kind and loving.

Do you remember a kind word that was spoken in just the right moment?
Something that uplifted you for the day?
A comment that changed your perspective?
A person that spoke life giving words?

I have so many of these that it would be hard to list. 
So many people in my life have tried to speak life giving words.
Sometimes those words hit me right away and 
sometimes those words hit later in my life.

I try to speak life giving words to all the people in my life.
I'm not always good at it but I try.
I try to give encouragement at any chance I get to those around me.
I try to listen and think before talking to my children.
I try to speak kindly to my husband so I don't have words that I regret later.

As much as I have those painful words in my mind, 
I also have those loving words in my heart.

Words that my husband has given me will often keep me going.
Positive things that others say to me can give me a really wonderful day.

If you think something good, say it.
Don't pass by the opportunity to say something wonderful to or about someone.
If it comes to mind, say it right then. 
Don't wait.
Most of the time if you wait then another opportunity won't arise

Especially when it comes to your husband or wife. 
I have been trying to say things that I think right away.
Sometimes I think something wonderful and I forget to say it. 
Then my husband never knows.
 What a blessing it is that we can encourage the ones we love the most.
How wonderful is it that we can say the amazing things we think about our spouses
 and put them on cloud 9.
We can do that.
Why not use what we are thinking to bless our loved ones?
You can never give too much encouragement.

Never rob someone of an unspoken treasure.

This is also true with the words we speak to ourselves.
I struggle here for sure.
If you tell yourself your not beautiful, then you will believe it.
If you tell yourself that you hate your job, then you will hate it.
If you tell yourself that you aren't worth it, then you will believe you aren't worth it.

What we say to ourselves is what we will believe and it will shape our future.
We might not do something amazing because of the things we have said to ourselves.
We need to speak life to ourselves as well. 

God created us.
We are beautiful creatures.
He knit each of us together in our mother's womb.
God has a plan for our lives.
Don't tell yourself things that are untrue and hinder his plans for your life.
Remember the truths from God.
Remember that you are beautiful.
Remember that you can do all things with Christ. 

At all times say life giving words.
Your words matter.
Speak Life!
Speak Love!


Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

LOVE

I have to say I'm one of the lucky ones.

I have an amazing marriage.

If you have read any of my blogs in the past then I tell bits and pieces of our marriage.

We have had so many difficulties in our short marriage.

We recently went through our third miscarriage. 

This is just one of our current struggles. 

I keep praying and asking God why.

Why do things keep happening to us?

Can we please just get a break?

You see, I want a break from the difficulties and heart ache

but God is growing us through these.

God's plan is always better,

even when we don't see it.

There are a few things that we have gone through that hurt so deeply.

 Most people would want that hurt to disappear. 

Most people would want it to never have happened. 

Most people would've ran.

Not me. 

It hurts to look back.

It's painful.

But..... I wouldn't change it.

God has used our pain to help us to bloom into who he has planned.

Our marriage wouldn't be where it is without that pain.

I now have a husband that is attentive to my needs.

He can tell how I am feeling just by looking at me.

We talk about everything.

He is ALWAYS willing to listen and understand.

But it's deeper than that.

It's like he feels my pain by just looking into my eyes.

We have a connection that God has given to us that wouldn't have been there if we didn't go through this pain together. 

Sometimes I can be difficult. 

I'm emotional.

He just flows smoothly through it with me. 

He encourages me, he guides me and when I'm upset he wraps me up in his arms and holds me.

I don't even think he knew how great of a husband he could be. 

I don't think he knows how great of a husband he is. 

As I was sitting in church last week I was struggling.

I've been struggling a lot lately.

I keep going back and forth on asking God why and knowing that what he has planned will be so much greater. 

I have asked why before and God was right.

This is much more than I could ever have thought.

He has blessed us in ways that I couldn't imagine. 

So as we are in this difficult time,

I'm held together by LOVE.

LOVE of God.

LOVE of my Husband.

LOVE of my Children.

LOVE of my Family.

LOVE of my Friends 

and 

LOVE of my Church Family. 

And we will always have that LOVE.

God has an amazing plan for our life.

God has an amazing plan for YOUR life.

Rest in him.

Give him your pain

and watch his plan unfold.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

A Letter to My Church Family

 Two weeks ago I was blessed with the opportunity to get up in front of my church and bare my heart. 

This was the scariest and most amazing experience. 

This is what I said.......

Hi, My name is Becca.

Some of you don’t know me and maybe you’re wondering why I’m standing up here. There are others of you that do know me but don’t know my past.

Then there are those of you that I have hurt and disappointed.

God calls us to confess our sins to one another and then we will be healed.

I know God has forgiven me already but I’m ready to be completely healed.

For those of you that don’t know me I will tell you a bit of my story.

I moved up to Lake Almanor about 8 years ago. I was a wife and a homeschooling mother of 2.

I fell in love with LACC. I started getting involved.

Then one Sunday Paul came and asked if I would be interested in helping out with our church Youth Group.

I was shocked because nobody had ever asked me anything like that.

I threw at him all the reasons that I shouldn't.

I told him that I have so much in my past and messed up so much in my life that I wouldn't be a good influence.

He said that was a perfect reason to be involved and that I can use those situations to help those young people that might be going through the same issues.

I also told him I was super shy and didn't like talking in front of people so I'm not sure I could be a leader.

So he asked me to just stop by and see what it's all about.

I experienced life with all of them for 3 years.

They ALL changed my life.

I felt like they all became my friends.

Yes, I was the adult but they were still my friends.

During those amazing 3 years I was able to be part of the most incredible experiences.

From Winter Camp, Hume, Kickback and a mission trip to Costa Rica.

Our Youth Pastor at the time now our Lead Pastor was able to push me to do things I would never have thought possible. (Like this. lol)

I got to watch these amazing young people grow.

I got to watch them walk through the some of the most difficult days in their young lives.

I was able to share the experiences and mistakes that I made with hope to help them not make the same mistakes.

Those Monday evenings, the camps and the mission trip weren’t just for all of them to change their lives but mine as well.

 I grew in my relationship with God immensely during that time. 

He brought me out of my comfort zone through all of them.

I feel like it's hard to put into words my feelings for all of them and what they mean to me.

Then, I did something that changed everything.

You all trusted me with your kids.

You trusted me to guide them down the right path but I didn’t

For years I had one piece of my life that I didn’t want to talk about.

My marriage.

I had been thinking about divorce for so long and I had just been hoping God would work on that part of my life as well.

That maybe God would bring me some kind of magic solution to make me love my marriage.

Yea

Years and years passed and it didn't come.

I was breaking down in that part of my life a little every day.

Nobody would know because I kept it inside.

I didn't want to be a bad influence or hurt my children.

But I ended up doing both of those things anyways.

No matter how hard I thought I tried, I just couldn't get past it.

By being around people that showed me that a divorce was okay I started believing it and I left.

I didn't just leave my husband but I left;

my life, my children, my family, my friends, my youth group and my church.

I changed everything that I did love all because I gave up.

Sometimes we think things are so difficult, that it's time to give up.

Don't ever give up.

God will always get you through eventually. 

From there I went to hanging out with a new crowd.

 I surrounded myself with people that agreed with me so I didn't have to feel bad for what I had done.

I fell.....

I fell from God....

In a way I got what I wanted but I lost so much more.

Then, shortly after that the Lord blessed me with Justin.

Yes, it was shortly after. 

Yes, it was a blessing.

Who knows where I would've gone without meeting him when I did.

Yes, I met him in the wrong way and at the wrong time, but I believe God knew what I needed. God saved me by bringing me an amazing man before I ruined my life even more. 

I walked away and made so many bad decisions. 

I was embarrassed.

I stopped coming to church because I didn’t want to be around people that would tell me that what I was doing was wrong.

The friends that cared about me.

To all the parents:

I was in leadership of all of your children.

God gave me an incredible position to do his work 

and I failed him.

I was leading them, some of them were stepping where I stepped.

 I influenced their lives and I drew them down the wrong path.

The one thing that hurts me most is that I might have led some of them astray.

I'm so sorry for disappointing you.

You entrusted your kids to me.

I had one of the most important jobs with your teenagers.

I'm sorry for hurting your kids.

I hope we can all look to the future that God has prepared.

Paul has heard this before but I added it anyways…….

To Paul: 

I'm so sorry. You believed in me.

You trusted that I would be a good influence.

I failed you.

Then, I left you to answer the questions that you didn't have the answers to. 

I didn't even have the courage to come back and tell them all myself.

Thank you for believing in me and still believing in me.

Thank you for praying for me.

Thank you for forgiving me.

To my two oldest children:

I never wanted this life for you.

I never wanted to hurt you.

I was selfish.

I don’t want you to have to share your holidays.

I don’t want you to have to carry your things back and forth in a suitcase every week because you want your favorite toys or clothes the next week.

I didn’t want you to be torn.

I have made your lives so much harder

And I am so very sorry.

There is nothing I can ever do to take back the pain I have caused you.

To my littlest toddler:

You are too young to understand any of this but,

I’m sorry your Sissy and Bubby are gone every other week.

I’m sorry that you have to ask for them to come home because you miss them so much.

To my amazing husband:

Thank you for being there for me.

You have had to walk a hard road with me.

We have had to walk a hard road.

Nothing has been easy for us.

Thank you for putting a smile on my face every day

 but especially on the hard days.

Thank you for being by my side.

 Lastly to my church family and friends:

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for disappointing you.

I’m sorry for walking away from God and I’m sorry for walking away from you.

I hurt many of you and I can never take that back.

I’m sorry.

Even as adults we mess up.

Sometimes those mess ups can be life changing.

They can be embarrassing. 

We will sometimes be ashamed of our past.

But, there is always time to change your life.

There is always time to come back to God,

to let him take over your life.

God has blessed me in so many ways in the last couple of years since then.

I look back and I see him standing by me through all the difficulties.

He helped me along the way and directed my path even after I walked away.

He has always brought me back.

Let God direct your lives and your life will be better off.

Your life will be beautiful.

Some of you might say that it worked out for me so it can work out for you too.

Yes, it worked out for me.

I have been forgiven.

Yes, God will bless your life.

Yes, God will forgive you when you come back to him.

You still have to deal with the consequences of your choices.

The longer you are away from God the more consequences you will have.

I don’t want to be the person that someone looks at and says, that I did it and I’m happy, so they can too.

That may be true. I am happy. But it has come with a very difficult road.

I have been punishing myself for a very long time.

I thought God would never be able to use me again.

I have been a failure.

Paul has encouraged me many times with the story of David. He made many mistakes and was still called, “A man after God’s own heart.”

I desire to be a woman after God’s own heart.

Through my bad decisions God has given me a heart for marriage.

We have to fight for our marriages.

They are the most important work that we can do for God.

I believe that if our marriages are whole the rest of our lives will fall into place.

Whatever your carrying around today,

God wants to take the weight off your back,

so give it to him.

  

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 

The whole sermon was absolutely amazing and I urge you to listen to it and I do come in towards the end. If you want to listen you can click here. 
http://lacconline.sermon.net/main/main/20876035