Fighting with your Spouse? Fight Fair, Fight Right!

So I thought of this while

 I was on my hands and knees doing a deep

 scrubbing of my kitchen floor.

When we give our minds a little quiet time we have time to ponder things.

It's kinda unusual for us to have quiet time in this very busy world. 

I take it when I can :)

So, I spent my time thinking about fighting. 

Yes, I actually spent my time thinking about this. But there is a reason.

Yesterday, my husband and I got into a fight. 

You know, not the disagreement type, but the fight type. 
So it was still pretty raw.

There are different types of fighting. 

The disagreement ones,they aren't as bad. You disagree, maybe a slight argument then you come back together with no issues.

But...... the fights are the hard ones. They linger.

At least for us they do so I suspect they do for you as well.

The fight is so bad that it takes a couple days to recover. 

Like a hangover. 

A fight hangover.... ugh ..... the worst.

Then a friend of mine posted a really awesome Facebook post. 

She said that a marriage is not perfect. Love isn't perfect. 

It's so true, it's messy. It's ugly, and sometimes it's hurtful. 

We don't mean to hurt the one we love the most but sometimes it happens. 

We say terrible things that we don't really mean in the heat of an argument.

We treat the love of our lives with disrespect and unkindness.

We should treat our spouses with the same respect as everyone else. You know like the kind where your in the heat of an argument and you can answer the phone and be perfectly fine around others. 

We know how to control our temper when we want to. We just don't want to. 
For most of us we would never treat our friends the same 
way that we treat our spouses. 
So why do we treat the one that's closest to us this way?

We need to enjoy the fact that we get to come home to someone that loves and cares about us. 

Someone that is our friend and partner in life. 

The peace it brings me to know I always have someone on my side. 

Someone always there to hold me when I'm upset. 

Someone to laugh with at the silly things.

Someone to watch our children grow. 

I never have to sit alone, or go to a party alone.

Before marriage you think everything is going to be perfect. 
We aren't going to fight, we're different..........
That's not real life.
Sure, there are people that don't fight as often, then there are the couples that fight a lot. 
When you put two different people in a house together there are bound to be issues. 
Differences. 
We come from different upbringings and we have different likes and dislikes.
You can't go through life thinking that a marriage shouldn't have fighting because that's false thinking.  Thinking like that can make you turn away from your spouse and grow resentment. 
Maybe even say that, maybe you weren't meant to be together. 
Fighting is part of life. You just have to learn the correct way to fight. 
You have to think the best of the one you love.
Stop the thinking that they just want to hurt you,
Because in reality they don't. They love you, just like you love them.

Marriage is work. It's difficult.
But it's also beautiful!
Like I said before, you have security. 
You have love. 
You have someone to snuggle and watch movies with.
Someone to watch football with.
Someone to go on bike rides with.
Someone to go camping with.
Someone to help you.
(for us someone to Pokemon with)
But, most of all someone to Love you!

We are all looking for love. You can tell by all the dating sites out there. All the posts people put on Facebook. The full bars with people looking for love. Yes, some of these ways aren't the right way to look for love or it's looking for the wrong kind of love. 
But, that is everyone's main desire.
Love.
Most people are looking for someone. 
We all want to be 
loved and cared for.  

I have heard a million times to treat your spouse as if you are doing it for the Lord.
For so long I just couldn't grasp that.
I'm still not good at it at all but at least I get the concept.
During a fight you should think about Jesus being right there beside you. Would you be treating your spouse the same? You need to be a servant to the Lord, and bite your tongue, even when you want the last word. 
Give the argument over to God. Some things are not worth fighting for. 
Do it as serving God.
If you feel like your spouse doesn't deserve it then,
look to Jesus instead of your spouse. 
Doing this is an amazing way to honor God.

Learn to take the first step and say your sorry.
Learn how to change the situation by taking the first step to forgiveness.
Learn how to stop the fight before it starts.
Remember that you are a team,
and you have the same goal.

These things are hard for us to remember. My husband and I struggle with this during our arguments.
Sometimes we create the fight. 
We are working on how we argue so we don't turn a disagreement into a full blown fight 
but we struggle with it. 
Some times we do things the wrong way. 
Some times we still fight. 
I believe it takes practice. You have to constantly have it on your mind to be conscious of your response.
Your response is your responsibility!

Also, remember to resolve your conflict.
If you just ignore it then it WILL come back.
Learn how to talk about the issue at hand. 
Talking about our issues and disagreements give us opportunities to grow in our marriage.
So don't give up the opportunity to bring the two of you together. 
Build your team.

Forgiveness, 
is a main ingredient to having a good marriage.
After the fighting you have to forgive your spouse. 
You have to come back together and love one another. 
Don't hold onto resentment.
Let it go. 
 (we can sing the Frozen song now )
Seriously though, Let it go. 
Let Love Shine.

Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another and forgive one another as God has forgiven you through Christ. Ephesians 4:32

Above everything, love one another earnestly, because love covers over many sins. 
Peter 4:8